See also: Non-correspondence texting
I hit a milestone today. For the first time since I got a phone, I had replied to all of my outstanding texts.1 (It lasted two minutes).
As many of my friends will tell you, this is quite the feat for me. I'm not a good texter. I take forever to respond, or don't respond at all. But I'm getting better, and the tips I've listed here have helped me, particularly for long-term conversations. I hope they help you too.
If I was living thirty years ago, I wouldn't keep up with most of my friends over text, mostly because texting had barely been invented.2 Instead, I'd probably be using some combination of handwritten letters, faxed letters, email, computer instant messages, and phone calls.
I am at risk of romanticizing the past, but I think texting has disadvantages over these media for long-term communication.3 While texting is excellent for quick timescales, it has several disadvantages for maintaining friendships over time.
- Texting pressures you to respond shortly and quickly, rather than infrequently at length.
- Texting conversations often die, especially if replies are infrequent.
- It's hard to look back over old conversations.
If I had the choice, I'd prefer to keep up with friends over email/phone, but texting's ease has made it the default choice. I've adapted, and found ways to make texting more appropriate for communication over long timescales.
I call this correspondence texting: longer, infrequent messages closer to letters, taking place over months or years. This is in contrast to "instant texting," composed of short, frequent texts.
Over the rest of this post, I'll cover ways to make correspondence texting easier by a) making it easier for me to respond b) making it easier for the other person to respond c) making it easier to peruse old texts later and d) choosing when to not correspondence text.4
(If you are going to read one tip, read Tip 4.)
My central goal in this section is to respond with pauses but consistently.
The primary challenge is consistent responses: if I'm maintaining more than a couple conversations, I cannot respond every day to each of them. However, the way texting is designed, old messages are quickly buried. So how do I remember to respond?
Tip 1: Triage your texts:
Tip 2: Give yourself permission to respond less frequently for correspondence:
Tip 3: Consider responding to a lot of texts at once:
Tip 4: Respond oldest to newest (only applies to correspondence):
Tip 5: Visually mark un-responded texts:
Tip 6: If you want to time a message, consider schedule sending the text:
As the song goes, "it may be two to tango/but boy, it's one to let go..."10.
Tip 7: End every11 response with at least one question:
Tip 8: If someone hasn't responded in a while, feel free to reach out again!:
Tip 9: Tailor response length to your recipient:
One lovely thing about letters and emails is that each stands on their own. You can open a drawer, or your inbox, and immediately be transported to the past. With texting, this is a lot harder. I'm less certain about these tips, but they might be useful?16
Tip 10: Consider sending more pictures?:
Tip 11: Download your texts to a more readable format:
Tip 12: Use another platform?:
I don't have concrete tips here, but it's helpful to remember that other media exist! I exchange emails with a couple of friends, and primarily call others.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to use one of those other forms of media by leaving a comment or emailing me at kai at liquidbrain [dot] net!18