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Coconut Water

It took me two decades to learn that coconut water does not taste like sweat. Rather, some bottles on the grocery store shelf are full of sweat while others are not. I tried them all so now I can tell you which is which.

  1. Once Upon a Coconut
  2. Coaqua
  3. Harmless Harvest

These are the kings of coconut water. Somehow, they manage to taste toasted. I don’t understand how you do that. Delicious.

Notes and caveats: Do not try the flavored versions. Good coconut water is like good sushi—simple is better. Also Coaqua’s brand copy is extremely cringe. And why is Harmless Harvest pink?

  1. C2O

I really like the corrugated metal look but the flavor is, in my view, unremarkable. Nageena’s favorite.

  1. Taste Nirvana, Parrot, etc.

I would rather have normal water than these, unless I’m feeling desperate or it’s been a while.

  1. Vita Coco

Do not buy under any circumstances. Despicable, vile drink.