Note: I have a goal of writing a blog post every month, basically for forever. This piece might be a little rough because I'm getting this out right before the deadline. For the rest of 2025, I want to write a blog post every two weeks.
TLDR: If I find myself asking "should I get their contact info?" the answer is probably yes. This might be true of you too. Some tips follow.
There's a mistake I've made over and over. I meet someone at an event, we have a lovely conversation, they walk away, and I never see them again.
To add insult to injury, I often think to myself just as they're going away, "should I get their contact info?"
Since moving to DC in September, I've tried to set a rule for myself. If I'm interested enough to want to talk to someone again, I will try to get some form of contact info from them before the conversation ends.
To start, I should list some caveats.
I'm writing this guide for myself to figure out how I can do this sort of thing better. I'm a man in my early 20s currently living in DC. I also like having a broad social network and am in a profession that particularly benefits from networking. Your mileage with this might vary.
I would also love feedback on this list! Please comment or reach out to kai at liquidbrain dot net!
1. Set intentions for when you'll ask, preferably with an if-then rule
The rule I want to set for myself is something like: "if I am in a conversation with someone and I might like to talk with them again, I will make sure I have some way to contact them in the future before they leave."
When I'm talking with people, it sometimes feels a bit awkward to pull the phone out or ask for a business card. But if I'm meeting someone at a happy hour or party, there's a very good chance I will never see them again organically. So setting the intention is most of the battle.
Having a clear trigger mechanism makes it easier. Even if I feel a bit awkward, I can lean on the habit that I am making to push through that.1
2. Make it easy for the other person to say no
If I'm going to be proactive with asking for people's contact information, I want to make sure it's easy for them to say no.
There are a couple ways of doing this. The first is giving them my contact info. That way, they can reach out; if they're not interested, then nothing happens. But I find that if I give someone else my contact info, they often won't reach out, even if there's a chance it could become a good friendship.
So I've been trying to figure out other ways to make it easy to say no. If it doesn't seem like the other person is interested, I won't ask. And I'll often verbally say "it's okay if not!" and try to make clear from my body language that I won't be disappointed.
I'm especially curious for any tips on this one.
3. Think of good excuses to engage people you want to talk with more
Another way to make asking for contact info seem natural is to have an excuse: some reason to get their contact info.
I especially like asking the other person to send me more information about something we talked about. It's usually low-stakes, but it allows me to continue the conversation by asking follow-up questions. (If I send info and they don't respond, there's less conversational momentum).
If the conversation is going really well, I like trying to schedule a coffee chat to see if we might become friends. Usually I do that when we're messaging though.
This is one of those tricks that is fairly intuitive to think of, but takes some practice to do well, I think. It's also not necessary! Asking "hey can I get your contact info" has been surprisingly effective for me.
The best excuses (if you want to become friends rather than acquaintances) are those which give structural reasons to spend time together. For instance, I co-started a book club with someone partly to have the excuse to become friends with them. Hosting events is another great excuse to invite someone!
These types of structural reasons to talk with someone are good either when chatting right before asking for their contact info or for the first substantive message I send.
4. Consider asking for something other than a phone number
There are places where asking for someone's number is very much the right choice. But I think defaulting to less personal forms of communication has some advantages.
- There's a bit less risk for both parties. I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I don't want to give a stranger my number.
- If the conversation goes well on another medium, I can always ask for their number later.
- I tend to group e.g., loose professional contacts on LinkedIn, tighter professional contacts on Signal, friends on text, etc. There's some built-in organization this way.
Unfortunately, there aren't any hard and fast rules for which message platforms are appropriate because the norms vary so much place to place. For instance, one friend in grad school I talked with mentioned that almost all of her networking happens via email.
But here's my current strategy for DC events which are vaguely work-related:
- LinkedIn and other social networks are helpful for loose connections: the network itself takes care of a lot of the context management. I can see that John Doe works at X or went on vacation at Y and use that as a means of connection in the future. There's also no pressure to keep up a conversation. I mention LinkedIn here, but Bluesky/Twitter/Facebook/Instagram etc. can all make sense depending on your goals. There are downsides: your data isn't yours and the network can get worse over time. I miss the Facebook I never got to use.
- Signal and non-SMS messaging (WhatsApp, email, etc.) is good for tighter connections who aren't friends or where more privacy is necessary. Good for people you might occasionally reach out to as well. Email can also go into this category. But it requires more management and people might not be as responsive.
- Texting is the best for making friends. It gives each other the most direct access generally. (I probably would be a better journalist if I had more people's numbers). On the other hand, texting can demand quicker response times: if you take too long to respond, the text chain can get buried.
5. Consider getting invited to a group chat
I probably focus too much on getting individuals' contact info. This is important if I want to be friends with a single person. But in a lot of settings, getting an invite to a group chat is more helpful:
- There are more people in the group chat, including people I might want to meet.
- Group chats require less maintenance to keep going than an individual message chain.2
- There's a higher surface area of luck for learning about opportunities.
There are downsides for sure — when I get added to a new group chat there's usually more chatter than I'm interested in — but it's worth prioritizing.
This one is simple. If I give someone else my number/email/etc., there's the chance that they never follow up. If I get their contact info instead, I can guarantee that we will both have a way to reach each other.
As much as possible, I will send them a message immediately with enough context that they can remember who I am. Usually that's my name, the event we met at, and some detail about what we talked about.
If both people have an iPhone, you can also do "the thing,"3 where you place the tops of the phones together. The phone will buzz and transfer the contacts. It's quite fun!
This one I'm worst at. But at least 80% of the people whose contact info I get won't immediately lead to an active conversation. How do I make sure that I can still reach out to them in the future?
As mentioned above, LinkedIn can be useful for this. But there are probably CRM systems that I don't know about to stay organized. The best version of this for networking I've seen is a spreadsheet with names, phone numbers, professional profile, and a couple tidbits to bring up at the next meetup. ("Oh how are the kids" type things).
Thank you to Claire Pettit, Xander Deblois, and my mom for comments.