The boy was so afraid. So nervy. That twitchy sperg.

My friend A and I, we’re hanging out in Lindavista Park and the sun had gone. No daylight, but me no want to go home. So we started climbing.

There’s something about the pace of walking or advancing to a goal that even with the wind and the cold, my focus, my fixation shrinks to a point. And before we knew it, we were at the crest.

I hear a shuffling.

Knife comes out. One of those little toy Swiss army knives. God, I was so young. I’m sure I felt so cool.

I see this Asian boy shivering, staring really intensely at this cliff. He’s shaking so much.

Something in me wouldn’t let me be gentle then.

So I told him, jump or live, dumbass.

Tremors and all, he turned to face me.

“Come with me.”

He’s still shaking like a fawn, but obeys and comes with me. I tell A, we’re going now. He’s just sort of staring at me.

Now’s the time for gentleness.

Come with us. What’s your name?

I’m H.

Staring at him and say, I know the appearance might very well be the reason you’re here in the first place. But would you like to go to them?

I turned my head so he isn’t fixated on my gaze and anchored by that.

No good saving someone only to deliver them into someone else’s jaws.

I sense him nod. So I start driving. No wonder he was at the park. It was only two blocks away.

As we walk down the hill, he keeps asking me which way are we going, and I don’t say anything. I just step faster, trusting that he’ll follow, and he did.

We didn’t play any music as we drove because I could not. I was too full consuming his twitches and tension.

His mom is standing outside, shaking even more than her son. Maybe that’s where he got it from.

Looking at the set of their shoulders, they all seem to have agreed something as a family.

So I arrest him for one more minute and give him my email in case he ever need someone for God knows what.

Then I release him.

Cruelty is cruel.

Maybe all the harshness helped him then, but looking back, it just seems like unskillful rough edges. I was so unsure of what I was doing but desperate. Helping people is so hard. And so much is beyond help or at least my powers to render it.

He survived. He’s not so innocent anymore.

No one can fill those of your needs that you won’t let show.

People have so many needs and I can’t save them all. But I could save him.

Those of your needs that you won’t let show, no one can fulfill. It’s good advice, but also it’s good advice that better is possible.

Much better is possible.