January 28, 2026
A few times in my career I’ve gotten feedback that really knocked me on my ass.
The first few times it happened, I wasn’t mature enough to learn much from it. But eventually I discovered a little trick — something that helps me set my ego aside and actually listen.
The details aren’t all that important, but to set the scene: a Principal Engineer I worked with had called me out for being overly negative in a meeting. He pointed out that, as a senior IC, I should be mindful of how my actions could affect those around me.
In hindsight, he was spot on; but in the moment, it felt mostly wrong and totally unfair.
I spent the rest of the day in a miserable mood. In the evening, I was still stewing, and considering how to respond. I think I even started drafting a rebuttal email (I know, I know).
At some point I googled “how to respond to negative feedback” or something like that. Honestly, I’m not sure if I expected to find something useful, but I did.
The advice that helped me: look for what’s true.
Almost any time you get serious critical feedback, it will feel unfair. There will be things your critic got wrong, or important context that they didn’t mention. Your instinct will be to focus on those aspects, to find as many reasons as possible to dismiss or minimize the feedback.
Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with the feedback, ask yourself what’s right. Sure, your critic is totally off base, but is there a kernel of truth there?
It’s a simple trick, but I find it incredibly useful1. By reframing things, I’m able to diffuse my immediate, emotional reaction. Once I’ve done that, it becomes much easier to see things from an objective perspective.