if you started to follow my blog after reading "help wanted," welcome back! and, uh, it's been nice while it lasted.
If everyone went vegan, it would put all the cows out of jobs, and, given the already tense economic situation, we don’t want to have mass cow unemployment on our hands.
Plant milk is actually worse for the environment than milk from cows. No, it is. No, I read about it. Almonds. Now you know. You’re welcome.
If you are in 2017: When they have lab made meat on the shelves, I will definitely switch to that.
If you learn that honey isn’t vegan, and, well, that don’t make a lick of sense to you, now, does it: Well, that don’t make a lick of sense to me, now, does it.
I read that the hormones in soy make you grow breasts.
Mass cow unemployment could lead to the rise of populist cow movements. Given the already unstable political environment in much of the world, we’d be one electoral crisis away from authoritarian rule by a cow demagogue.
I read that hormones in soy make you grow breasts, so I’ve been eating nothing but tofu and drinking nothing but soy milk, for months, and, well, it hasn’t exactly worked.
I also don’t eat meat sometimes.
I also don’t eat meat sometimes, but sometimes I eat nothing but meat. it’s the Hunger, the kind you think is gone, until It wakes again, and once you feel It, you cannot stop. you must consume, or else It consumes you
I also don’t eat meat sometimes, but I could never go vegan because I love cheese too much.
I also don’t eat meat sometimes, but I could never go vegan because I have a rare condition that makes my blood 30-50% cheese, and I need to top it up daily, sometimes hourly, in order to not die. You don’t want me to die, do you? No, I know you didn’t say it out loud. I know you didn’t tell me I should stop eating cheese, and die, but I could see it in your eyes. You had murder in your eyes. Murder! sound of a thunderclap
If you learn honey isn’t vegan, and disagree because you keep bees, and they are happy: I disagree, because my bees are happy. I only take a small amount of their honey and leave them the rest. They don’t notice it missing. I run opinion polls over the phone, and they say “bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.” That’s bee for “happy.” You’d know if you kept bees.
A cow demagogue in charge could further destabilise the already precarious global security situation. If multiple cow demagogues are in charge at the same time, they could seek a self-serving alliance on jingoistic grounds. Worse, though, is if they wind up pushing us towards armed conflict with each other. I personally think that’s quite likely.
Almonds!
I was vegan for a few months when I was in college.
I was vegan for a few months when I was in college. That’s also when I was a lesbian. Wait… Did it make me lesbian?
I was vegan for a few months and followed a plant-based diet until one day I heard them scream
I can still hear it the leaves screaming in my mouth as my incisors tore them apart. I have begged others to tell me, can they hear it too? did you know the plants scream? did you know they scream? tell me, did you know did you know did you know
ALMONDS!
If you learn honey isn’t vegan, and also that your bees were not as happy as you had thought: Er, so my bees have held an election and voted me out. They chose a new beekeeper! She promised to cut taxes on honey production, and provide better labour protections. It’s a bit of an upset, to be honest.
If you are in 2017: Especially if they have lab made meat of endangered or extinct species. I can’t get enough of that shit. Do you know how much freshly sourced, still-permafrozen mammoth meat goes for on the dark web? I am not struggling for money, but I’m telling you, lab made meat would do wonders for my budget.